A year ago, if you had told me that I’d be sat here today with a beautiful four week old baby in my arms, I would have wanted to believe you but my levels of optimism were sadly lacking. A year ago it was just four weeks since we lost our baby and I was dreading my birthday the next day. You see, last year I had planned my birthday out months in advance. GG was taking the day off and we were going to do our first shopping for baby Trouble (Trouble was his bump name, meant in a tongue in cheek way as I went off chocolate early in that pregnancy and I said that any child that put me off chocolate must be troublesome, but I’ve felt guilty all year that he didn’t have a more loving name). We would have found out if he was a boy or a girl the week before my birthday and so would have been able to buy some boy or girl clothes and nursery equipment. Then we were going to go and have a nice lunch, celebrating my five and a half months pregnant appetite before going home and gazing at all the gorgeous baby things we’d bought.
Obviously, my birthday didn’t go according to plan. I think I spent most of the day in tears, thinking about what might have been. So what a contrast with this year! Having a four week old baby has meant that I’ve made practically no plans; my Mum is making me an afternoon tea, but other than that it’ll be a quiet time. My day will revolve around Baby Sweetie, as have all of the last twenty nine days (and rightly so!). It’s the best birthday I can imagine. My husband and boys will be home, my baby will be right with me all the time so that I can gaze at her and tell her how beautiful she is and what a lucky Mama I am; who cares that it’s probably going to pour with rain all day!
I took this photo literally just now, wanting to demonstrate how much she has grown already. But I had to giggle when I saw the photo as the blurring shows just how active she is – I couldn’t catch her at a still moment to get a non-blurry photo! She’s still going now, as if she were training for a marathon! And despite the basket of nappy changing stuff in the foreground, I think I really like this picture because it seems to capture a bit of what she’s like as well as what she looks like. Oh, and just in case you were wondering, the red cow is called Clover and the elephant (a present from a knitting friend of mine) is called Rainbow. They often watch over her whilst she has her nappy changed!