I told you I’m taking part in NaBloPoMo this month? Weeellll, I’ve got a bit of a busy day tomorrow, and the interwebs seem to have taken up too much of my time today, so I’m posting for August 4th now. The thing is, it is already the 4th, as I’ve not gone to bed yet and it’s just passed midnight , so officially I’m posting on the right day and not cheating, but I never feel like it’s the ‘following day’ until I’ve been to bed. So please forgive me for this slight bending of the spirit of the rules!
So, it’s a funny thing, this compulsion to blog. At least, being compelled by outside forces such as a contest. I’ve spent a large proportion of the last few days considering everything that passes my eyes in terms of whether it would be blogworthy. Also, you may have noticed that I’ve already written five posts in the first three days of the month. This was foolish. However, most posts were time sensitive by the nature of their content and needed to be written then.
I don’t think I’ve fully got the hang of blogging yet. At least, I’ve definitely not got the hang of blog optimisation. I lack the focus to write blog posts about one topic for long enough to build up a large readership. I lack the necessary humour to achieve high numbers of readers purely for my writing style, and I think that my life is just that little bit too ordinary to interest enough people to hang around long term. So, I’m never going to manage to make any money doing this. I think, having accepted that, I should be able to simply write all the random things that whizz through my head. But when I start to write posts like that, I come back to the age old problem of being too self conscious, worrying whether my few remaining readers might abandon me altogether, and worrying about people I know in real life thinking that I’m aiming comments at them. I’d love the creative flow and wit of Alexa at Flotsam, or NDM, both of whose posts I look forward to reading. I think that I need to try to overcome my fear of rejection, or criticism (if that is what this is) and start writing for me. I love those blogs whose writers seem to be inviting you to peek through the front windows of their houses (metaphorically speaking, please don’t have me arrested!). I love that they are brave enough to admit failings, witty enough to turn the most ordinary situation into a compelling tale, and generous enough to share aspects of their everyday lives with the world.
This is what I aspire to. But as I start to write posts like this, the ‘Deputy Downer’ part of my mind tells me that noone would be interested and so I hit delete.
Oh my, this started off with the full intention of being an upbeat post. I can only claim the lateness of the hour as a reason for my moping tone, and plead forgiveness (I seem to have been doing that a lot recently!). I promise that my next post will be a model in the ways of optimism, sharing at least one dark secret (umm, will have to think that over in the morning!) and full of family-friendly humour!
I’m off to bed.