Lies, damned lies and…my son!

My younger son, Cheeky, has recently exhibited a slightly worrying tendency to, umm, bend the truth. Oh, OK, he’s been flat out lying, but no mother wants to confess that! However, the lies in question were so entertaining that I felt the need to share them with you all.

Number one: Last week he came and sat next to me before his bedtime and said, “Mummy, you’re going to be so impressed!” I asked why, and he proceeded to tell the story of how his teacher had asked the class if any of them had pets at home. Cheeky had raised his hand and told the class that he has a dog. A big, black dog. A big, black dog called Humph! We have no dog, we live in a two bedroomed flat and I’ve no idea from where he has come up with a name like Humph! And the best bit was at the end of the story when he announced to me that he was sure that his teacher had no idea that he had made the whole thing up – and he was incredibly proud of himself!

Number two: When I picked him up from school on Monday he proceeded to tell me how he had spent the day having snowball fights and building snowmen, despite the fact that we had had (at that point) the merest dusting of snow which looked like someone had tripped and spilled a packet of icing sugar over the grass – hardly enough for the activities he had described! He maintained that he was telling the truth again and again, until I pointed out that I had spent the day in close proximity to the school and I was absolutely certain that there had not been anywhere near enough snow for him to have accomplished all he said!

Number three: Handsome asked me whether kings exist in real life (he said he was sure that queens, prime ministers and presidents were real but he wasn’t sure about kings, bless him!). Before I could reply, Cheeky leaped into the conversation to assure him that they did exist and that one had visited his class recently. I told him straight out that he was obviously lying. He denied it vehemently, and so I asked him which king had visisted. He thought for a moment, and decided that it was the king of Caerphilly Castle who had graciously honoured Cheeky’s class with his presence. Hmm. Just in case anyone is in doubt, there is most definitely NO king at Caerphilly Castle!

Number four: While it isn’t exactly a lie, it is more evidence of his deceptive and devious mind! I was talking about going to work the other day and saying that I would love to be able to stay home with my family (who hasn’t expressed that wish at some point?). Promptly, Cheeky suggested that I should phone up work and pretend to be ill to get a day off! How does a four year old know about pulling a sickie?

We have a parent-teacher meeting coming up this month, and I’m trying to decide whether to mention any of this to his teacher, if only for the laugh we can share! I’ve heard that it is usually intelligent children who lie, but I’m not sure whether that might just be something people say to console the parents of the miniature liars! What almost makes it worse is that he is so convincing, with his blond hair and his big, honest looking brown eyes! When he is in the mood he could almost pass for a baby angel – it almost makes the deception worse, as if he is playing on the advantage God has given him!! My family and friends are convinced that he will end up being a criminal, with my friend Maria (who is a solicitor) already mentally preparing his defence case!

Post-Script: Cheeky brought home a photo of his class yesterday, proudly standing in front of a snowman that they had spent the morning constructing. When I told my mother she laughed, saying that it was funny that Cheeky thought he should bring home photographic evidence of the snowman, to prove that he wasn’t lying about building it!