I want to find someone who has felt the same as I felt recently. While at work recently, a friend did a bakery run and offered to fetch cakes and pasties for us all. Without thinking I ordered a french bread pizza and a chocolate covered, patisserie cream filled doughnut. When he returned I ate them both without giving it a thought. But then ten minutes later I felt awful. It wasn’t that the food had gone off, but my recent weight loss attempts have included some sort of self-education and self-programming as to what sort of foods I should be eating and what I should be avoiding. And when my friend asked me if I wanted anything to eat my mind went completely blank as to my diet, and stayed blank until well after I’d finished eating. As I said, ten minutes after I had finished eating I started to feel ill, and I really wanted to be sick. It was almost as if my brain was telling me that I was feeding my body all the wrong things and I should get rid of it. It was quite scary. I sat quietly for a little while until these feelings subsided, but I continued feeling ill and having no appetite for most of the rest of the day. Now, this must have been, at least in part, attributable to my cold. However, I’m sure that most of the reason that I felt ill was guilt at having eaten these things which I have been avoiding for so long. But the part of it which has been puzzling me the most was the total thoughtlessness which led to my buying the food in the first place. I had very carefully taken fruit to work so that I would have something to snack on, so it wasn’t that I was particularly hungry.
Maybe I’m over-analysing myself. However, I want to work out what it was that a) made me buy the food and then b) made me feel so ill afterwards. I’m trying to build up a healthy relationship with food rather than using it as a comforter, but from this experience it appears that I might have veered too much the other way. Surely it’s not right that I felt ill for the day after this slip?
Any help and advice welcomed!