Motherhood – a joy and a blessing

I’ve read a lot of blogs recently on the subject of infertility and desperately trying (almost) anything to have children. I’ve been blessed with having no problems having my two children, and I have no reason to suspect that I’d be unsuccessful if I were to try to have more babies. I feel for these women so profoundly. Even when my children drive me crazy (which is relatively often given how competitive and argumentative they both are!) I couldn’t imagine being without them. Obviously I can remember life pre-kids in terms of the things I did etc, but I can’t remember having such depth and wide range of emotions as I have now. What I mean by this is, yes they drive me crazy, sometimes make me crosser than I’ve ever been before, but they also provide my happiest moments (I’m sure my husband would agree) as well as helping to create lots of memories which are drawing our extended family even closer together. For example, although my husband was already close to his sister and brother, I’m sure that if we didn’t have our boys and our nephew in the world, we wouldn’t spend anywhere near as much time together. Also, I don’t think that the effect of having her grandchildren around to help my mother in law through her bereavement when we lost my father in law to pancreatic cancer can be written off.

Of course there are things which in an ideal world I’d change about my life since having the boys. I’d like it if I could spend more time with adults during my ‘working’ week, and sometimes I feel (as I said in my ‘about me’ section) as if my brain is underused and may be stagnating a little. However, the former has more to do with the fact that I was comparitively young when I had my first child and none of my friends were anywhere near to starting their own families to provide me with company. The latter I have begun to deal with by taking on this blog, a second job which I can do from home and also the charity work for Cancer Research UK. My father thinks I’m doing too much, bless him! But then he’s always looked after me, I’ll always be his little girl and it’s nice to have people obviously caring about you so much!

However, I’ve (as usual) veered off topic. When we decided to have our second baby, I geared myself up for the mental pain of four or five months of negative pregnancy tests before I managed to conceive. In reality, we had our positive test within three weeks of making the decision – talk about being lucky and blessed! I can’t imagine waiting months and years, watching friends and family bringing children into the world, dealing with all the child-targeting adverts and products which surround us, and still not knowing when, if ever, I’d be bringing home a happy and healthy child from the hospital. My heart goes out to all these thousands of women (and their partners) who so desperately want to be mothers and who are putting themselves through so much to get there. I’m not going to link to any of the blogs I’ve been reading while writing this post, because I think that if I were in their position and I saw a trackback to this post on their own blog, I’d not want to read about someone who had their children with so few problems. All I’ll say is that if anyone reading this blog is going through any of this right now, know that you are in my thoughts and prayers and that, even though I can’t know quite how you’re feeling, I really do sympathise with you, and hope that you have a happy outcome, and soon.

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